Ok, this one is going to be nasty…

Raw…

…and unsensored.

From time to time, I get emails from artists that open themselves up and reveal big chunks of their lifes. They talk about their problems and stuff going on their end.

First of all, I want to say thank you for your trust in me.

Second, it´s an act of great courage – and it takes LOTS of it to write the emails I get.

For that – you guys should be very PROUD of yourselves…

The other day, I did get a very long and emotional email from an artist that was having some serious issues. She revealed her childhood and all the issues she faced then – and today.

She felt that positive thinking didn´t work for her…

In fact, she ENVIED me that it worked for me and that I was some kind of a lucky guy that didn´t have to deal with difficult times…

She wrote that she tried and failed to improve her life several times…

And that her experience was that for every positive step she took, some bad things happened and ruined the whole thing.

Her email inspired me to write todays blog post…

I have deep empathy for all the pain others feel in their lifes…

…because I´ve been there.

And now – let´s be BRUTALLY honest here…

Let me tell you some facts about my own life… And how positive thinking is part of a bigger puzzle… And why it doesn´t work – when used the wrong way.

Frankly – how it can be counterproductive…

I was born poor in Poland. When I was at an age of 7, there was a state of war in Poland, where tanks and military guys where all over the city.

That was SCARY as hell…

We had food stamps – and had to count the food we bought.

When we moved to Sweden a few years later, we were living by – but were still poor. I had a broken, used bicycle, where my friends had new ones with 27 gears. I had cheap, ugly clothes, where my class mates had new fashion clothes.

I was frozen out…

I took various jobs after dropping out of school with ZERO grades.

NONE!

I started to drink, take pills and felt like a wreck.

And this was going on for years!

Believe me, I wanted to take my life several times – and I was close to – damn close to.

I had a high speed car “accident” (I don´t belive in accidents, things happen for a reason) where my car hit a bridge reiling and was totally demolished. The only reason I´m still alive is becuase I had my seat belt on and that the bridge reiling was strong enough.

But it was bended like butter…

My car looked like a pile of squashed metal. There was nothing left of it… There was a scary free fall of 30 meters straight down – so talk about an angel that saved me that day.

I survived that day and was able to continue doing what I did…

This was my reality…

I´ve been fighting with peoeple…

I´ve been angry…

I´ve been depressed for 20 years…

Diagnosed with borderline…

My best best friend died in cancer…

My wife Jeanette have had some MAJOR health challenges.

Recently we found out that her father has cancer in his blood.

Her grandmother died in cancer and was an alcoholic..

Her grandfather drowned himself…

Her first love died in an car crash…

I could easily write a long list of friends and relatives that have had strokes and other issues that RUINED their lifes for good…

In fact we have lost serveral beloved family members that was so close to us that life didn`t feel worthy living without them…

And on top of all the live challanges, we also had our share of financial struggles…

We´ve had cars that we used to duct tape to hold them together… Where the engine stopped running, at the most inconvenient places…
Or that simply wouldn´t start at all…

I´ve eaten noodles for weeks…

I´ve taken overdoses with pills to end my desctructive life.

And I envied people that in my point of view had it all… That had great relationships, that had nice cars, that had money, that seemed PERFECT…

So – in a single word – I truly understand and know all about…

…PAIN.

I´m not saying this to compare my life with others, nor do I blame myself or others for starting my life in the wrong way.

With those circumstances, experiences and lifeskills I had at that time, it couldn´t turn out any other way.

So… I´ve been to hell…

And I found a way out of it.

And here´s what I did…

Pay close attention – because this is UNIVERSAL.
This works for everybody that´s willing to do what it takes…

It all begins with a DESIRE to get out of the freaking shit.

When I was so fed up staying where I was – I had to do something radical.

When I hit the bottom, I have had enough.

When I met Jeanette, she understood my pain and really felt empathy of how I felt and the reasons behind it.

She accepted me the way I was…

But…

She NEVER accepted this to be a permanent state. Jeanette is a fun mix of an oversensetive fighter and she litterary KICKED me in the right direction.

And that was the sparkle I needed, to ignite my DESIRE to CRUSH my destructive life.

Slowly, I started to learn more about my self and others.
And that´s not an easy thing to do having borderline…

I read books about self development. The first one I ever read, was Dr. Phils Life Strategies that Jeanette bought me. I highly recommend it.

See, the mind that created my former life, couldn´t fix it.

And here´s why…

I was infected with disbeliefes, lack of proper thinking and I was holding on to the fact that I was a bad person not worthy anything.
This is what I learned as a kid.

Kids ALWAYS blame themselves for everything that happens to them.

Me included.

And guess what, as an adult – as I knew I was a bad person – bad stuff had to happen to me to justify it.

I justified what I beleived in, by attracting bad circumstances.

This is a universal law – and it´s called the Law of Attraction.

It´s as real as gravity. Whether you belive in it or not – it works. All the time.

You can choose to ignore it – but it still works… And it will for every second for the remains of your life.

Law of Attraction says that what you focus on – will grow. What you feel – you attract.

In therapy, I´ve learned that my thoughts, feelings and actions were all connected. (Congitive Behaviour Therapy)

Each thought, whether contious or subcountious (as a result of your background) – will create a feeling.

ALL humans react to the way they feel.

ALWAYS.

As I grew, I started to see things in a wider perspectve… And I started slowly to feel better more often…

Day by day – week by week.

After a few years, I quit taking pills.

AND… After a YEAR of withdrawal symptoms, I was free of them.

Now, here´s the important part of the story.

Positive thinking alone doesn´t work…

It just doesn´t.

I mean common – just thinking that things will become better is pure nonsense.

And those who tried – KNOW IT.

And here´s when it DOES work…

When you take ACTION.

Somewhere, deep inside of me – with Jeanettes strong support – I started to think that there´s SOMETHING more…

With each piece of the puzzle, that became more obvious to me.

So, I developed a mind set – and started to BELIEVE that I could accomplish more in my life.

However, at that time I didn´t know what that would be.

But that didn´t matter at that time… My desire for a better life, was already on fire.

But hold your horses…

My ACTION – was to gain more knowledge from successful people – some of them with the same kind of experiance that I had… but that already had made it…

After the pills were gone, I had one more thing to get rid of…

My job…

At that time, I was in so much pain, that I just wanted to stop it.

I couldn´t go to my job no more…

And that was a painful fact to realize. Because I loved that job.

But in order to move on, I had to let go of what was holding me back.

I needed to change the environment, that at that time – supported my desctructive lifestyle.

Finally, I hit a turning point.

With GREAT support from my life coach Mike Lewis (Thank you Mike, you´re the best!) – I went to the office of my boss and said to him that I wanted to quit.

And then, for the first time in my life – I was no longer employed…

The day I left my job for good, I didn´t feel any fear.

I felt free.

When people were fired all around me and in difficult financial times – I dediced to take control of my own life and go my own way…

I continued to GROW and surrounded my self with successful people.

And I still do.

They helped me to broaden my perspective…

There is NO simple road to success. All change is horribly painful from time to time.

But´s it´s worth it!

And it all starts with…

1. A burning DESIRE to change your life and take control – this happens when you´re dead tired of your situation and truly WANT a change.

This is a tricky one, becuase as soon as you say YES to ANY part of your current life… Then you´ll stay there. As long as there´s a pay off – people will always stay.

You can hear people MOAN about their jobs. But the moment they justify it by saying: -”But it pays the bills”… Done – you´re staying.

Compare that to:

-”I´m fed up – I´m OUT OF HERE”…

See the difference?

Same situation.

Different mindset.

Even if that someone can´t quit their job right away, an open mindset enables them to find a solution.

If they say that it pays the bills, then it will continue to pay their bills. (And not so much more)

You know the saying:
For many people, J.O.B. often means Just Over Broke.

2. Believe that you CAN and even more importantly that you are WORTHY that change.

This is NOT the same thing as just wanting things. ALL people WANT stuff. Instead, this means believing that you actually can get there.

How this looks like in real life?

-”I would like to have that car… But it´s too expensive”…

Done, you´re NOT getting that car.

Compare that to:

-”That´s the car I want to have, and I will get it next year…”

Same situation.

Different mindset.

If you say that it´s too expensive, then it always will…

If you say that you will get it next year, then your mind is open for searching and finding solutions…

3. Gain more knowledge and GROW as a person – therapy, books, CD´s, videos, seminars, coaches – whatever it takes to learn EVERYTHING about successful people.

I had a big issue with this. I hated when I felt that what I knew was not enough.

I actually resented successful people, because they had what I wanted to have.

That was my BIG ego…

As I let go of it, and embraced new knowledge – I started to grow as a person. And the more I know – the more there is to learn – it´s an neverending ongoing process…

Sometimes the road gets bumpy, but overall – it´s a fascinating journey…

Success – on ANY level in your life – is a DIRECT result of your personal growth.

4. Positive thinking with DAILY action

Why positive? Positive thinking creates positive feelings – which in turn creates positive action steps.

Notice, I said DAILY action. That´s EACH day. Not once a month and then: -”Oh crap, it didn´t work”…

For how long?

As LONG as it takes!

As freaking long as it takes!

UNTIL!

How about set backs?

Oh dear, don´t get me started on this one…

Set backs?

HELL yeah!

They WILL get in your way, trying to DRAAAAAG you back to where you were.

And EACH DAY I take action.

I still, as of today, experience negative thinking from time to time…

But I don´t fight it the way I used to…

Instead, I handle it with ACTION – not only REACTION…

It´s a choice I´ve made a long time ago – that has grown into my reality by DAILY action.

“It´s not how many times we fall… It´s how many times we stand up…”

Doing your best is sometimes NOT enough…

I did what I HAD to… That means pushing outside of what I thought was possible…

Recently, I saw an episode of the great Star Wars Animated series… One of the episodes started with a saying that I can´t forget…

“Belief is not a choice. It´s a conviction.”

Oh man, that´s so powerful!

So I don´t believe in sitting and thinking that good stuff will happen.
That´s the biggest lie you´ll ever hear.

In fact, that´s a really dangerous thing to do… Positive tinking alone is more like living in a cocoon – and not really seeing what needs to be done.

Dr Phil has a great saying: “As you pray, MOVE your feet…”

I believe in DOING things UNTIL they are the way I want them.
Or as close as possible.

I mean, I can´t fly and I can´t walk on the surface of Jupiter.

And I don´t look like Brad Pit, and even if I perform surgery – I won´t be even close.

But that´s not the point.

The point is, I have a CONVICTION that I WILL make it.

And I will do ANYTHING in my power to get there.

There is no plan B.

NEVER has been.

Earlier, when I was busy reacting to all the crap around me, I felt despair – and as a result – more crap came my way…
And I couldn´t possibly know what to do without the proper knowledge…

So again…

Desire, Belief, Knowledge and Action…

Law of attraction is always working…

What I focus on – will grow…

So I focus on improving my life… But at the same time, always being greatful of what I already have.

Faith, hope and love - the corner stones of life...

But how about fair?

No, life ain´t fair.

Never has been.

NEVER will be.

It´s ONLY what we make out of it. The best we can.

Easy?

No…

Doable?

DEFINITELLY!

Ok, there´s A LOT more to say about this amazing subject…
Maybe I´ll come back with more in one way or another later on…

But for now, I wish you all the best!